Just Another
By Brandon Shane
April 15, 2024
April 15, 2024
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Nothing is ever only bad,
I try to tell my students. I tap the chalkboard, charcoal dashed with white streaks, over drawings of cartoon characters, names inside hearts. The door is cracked open because nothing here works, people are outside; loud, laughing, and so nothing can be taught. Is anyone awake? I wasn't either; books were boring, libraries to slumber, steep stairways weren't scary & calls during work hours didn't mean emergency. I slept through English and yet my teacher still passed me; how I'd critique him today. How many kids have fallen in love, thinking it was forever when it only lasted a month. Teachers who cried against their desks, after deaths had struck them still, days rehearsed so students'; education remains unfettered. I twirl on my spinning chair, before the bell has been rung, and imagine geraniums, mother in her violet dresses, ruby ring for my proposal, past dramas that elicit panicked nights, anxiety of blood-stained saliva & everyone is here with me still. It's been a long time since I've been a student, and someday I will earn my Ph.D. be another husband, another father. The door swings open, some of them wave, greet me, others listening to music or texting on their phones. Kids haven't changed much; they just adapt to our grown world, atop stages where they recite Shakespeare, radiant lights, strobes too much for photosensitivity. I cover my eyes and listen, know they see me, some part of them is happy, most of their parents are at work, and I am too; but I am not working. |
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Brandon Shane is a Japanese-American alum of California State University, Long Beach, where he majored in Creative Writing. He's pursuing an MFA while working as a writing instructor and substitute teacher. You can see his work in the Berlin Literary Review, Acropolis Journal, Grim & Gilded, Livina Press, Messy Misfits, Remington Review, Mister Magazine, Discretionary Love, among many others. Find him on Twitter @Ruishanewrites.
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Author's Note:
Teachers undergo a tremendous amount of hidden stress, swallowing emotions in a display of tragedy and heroism, because our personal lives shouldn't bleed into the education of students who may be dealing with absurd challenges at home, for all we know. The resources are meagre, support is an extraordinarily rare commodity; rooms are in disrepair, and everyone is pulling from their meagre paychecks. I don't show up for the salary, but because I know my students don't have a good alternative.
My favorite lines:
Teachers who cried against their desks, after
deaths had struck them still, days rehearsed
so students' education remains unfettered.
I've worked at a gas station, grocery store, on campus coffee shop, but being an educator feels so much different; there's a greater purpose. It was a profound experience walking into my classroom for the first time, and just being alone with the whiteboard. I remembered a few teachers who I liked, and in retrospect, they were unprofessional, marked blank papers as A's based on their fondness for the student, and made highly inappropriate jokes; they were absolutely terrible at their jobs. I don't plan on teaching for much longer, but in the meantime, my goal is to make a positive difference, because that's our sacred duty.
My favorite lines:
Teachers who cried against their desks, after
deaths had struck them still, days rehearsed
so students' education remains unfettered.
I've worked at a gas station, grocery store, on campus coffee shop, but being an educator feels so much different; there's a greater purpose. It was a profound experience walking into my classroom for the first time, and just being alone with the whiteboard. I remembered a few teachers who I liked, and in retrospect, they were unprofessional, marked blank papers as A's based on their fondness for the student, and made highly inappropriate jokes; they were absolutely terrible at their jobs. I don't plan on teaching for much longer, but in the meantime, my goal is to make a positive difference, because that's our sacred duty.